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See, that’s what the app is perfect for.

Sounds perfect Wahhhh, I don’t wanna
h3llomynameiskibs
lazywitchling

I am apparently working on becoming a local cryptid at the store. Talents include:

  • Monitoring the changing of the seasons via mozzarella
  • Predicting the weather by picking up a piece of cheese and mysteriously saying “oh, the storm is gonna be bigger than we thought...” just before thunder
  • Mind reading, e.g. “Can you help me find a cheese? It’s called, uh... [starts fishing out shopping list]” “Gruyere?” “...yes O_o”
lazywitchling

  • Mozzarella doubles in sales in the span of a week, right about when the first tomatoes show up
  • Cheese that I’ve wrapped in plastic will acquire condensation in a few seconds when it’s about to rain big time
  • “Gruyere” is always the cheese people want to show me on their list rather than try to pronounce it.
lazywitchling

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That is the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me

elodieunderglass

Cheesewitching. I respect it.

brunhiddensmusings

i feel called out

sabertoothwalrus
zoethebitch

McDonald's giving away free fries if you use their mobile app and then updating the terms and conditions to say if you use this app you waive your right to trial in any class action lawsuits and have to do mandatory arbitration is INSANE

zoethebitch

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graveyard-pansy

because i haven’t seen this in the notes yet: it is also VERY SIGNIFICANT that they are doing this as more and more people are learning about BDS. mcdonalds is one of the massive companies that palestiniens have been calling for boycotts of for years. it’d be a very convenient time for them if you ignored the ongoing call to boycott.

learn more at bdsmovent.net!

acecasinova
rthko

I think people online are too invested in pride flags and make a big fuss over nothing. I also will defend the bear flag with my fucking life.

rthko

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🫡

vaspider

The 3rd-oldest Pride flag - older than the trans, bi, and the oldest Pride flag for a specific sexuality or gender. The only older flags are the Leather flag and the Gilbert Baker/Rainbow Pride flags.

The Bear Brotherhood flag deserves a lot more respect than it gets.

mismagireve
wileycap

Go see the new Dungeons and Dragons movie. Just run. Don't finish reading this post.

That was SO REFRESHING. GOD.

Some minor spoilers ahead, but frankly nothing that would spoil your enjoyment of the plot:

A man and a woman who are friends and co-parents, who don't constantly belittle and snark at each other and who aren't falling in love? Mwah! Fucking finally. A genuine friendship where they BOTH respect each other! FUCKING WHEN IS THE LAST TIME

And the humor doesn't get in the way of the characters! It's funny, but in a funny-for-real way, not in a research-shows-1-joke-per-48-seconds-is-optimal way.

Like: the barbarian woman goes to visit her halfling ex. Oh boy, here we go, right? WRONG. They have a mature, respectful, heartfelt and open conversation about where their relationship went wrong, and wish each other well.

Afterwards, the barbarian walks out to the bard, who gives her a Look. Oh boy, THIS is it. This is where the dumb jokes happen. WRONG AGAIN. The bard sees that his friend is clearly hurting, and just starts singing Their Song until she joins in. Like. An actual friendship moment. No jokes. It's cheesy but in the way that actual people are cheesy.

It doesn't depend on you being some ultranerd for DnD, either: it's not like Marvel's obsession with pointing out that yes, Steve the Intern WAS forced at gunpoint to comb through the entire run of Waffle Ass Man from the 80s in order to find you a Reference. It's just place names and some tropes that all stand on their own while showing that yes, they are adapting DnD and they are earnest about it. (I've played like 3 times, I didn't know shit going in.)

Earnest is actually a great word. The whole movie feels so earnest.

Fucking finally, a fun adventure movie. I could watch like 20 of these. Just give me, in alternating years, one Benoit Blanc mystery and one DnD movie, and I'll be happy.

linguini17

The DnD movie goes in the "Love Story to the Source Material" category

aqueerkettleofish

And it doesn't apologize for the fact that it's a fantasy movie.

I've said it before and I'll say it again: The people who made this movie saw The Mummy more than once, and took notes.

hulking-godless-child-beast
dontlistentothemmoose

nasa employee: oh hey u guys are back early 
astronaut: moon's stuck in a time loop. 
nasa employee: what? 
astronaut: *loading a pistol and getting back on the rocket-ship* moon’s stuck in a time loop.

nasa employee: oh hey u guys are back early 
astronaut: moon's stuck in a time loop. 
nasa employee: what? 
astronaut: *loading a pistol* moon’s stuck in a time loop. do you have extra ammo? this won’t be enough.
nasa employee: enough for…what?
astronaut: *finding extra clip of ammo, pocketing it, and getting back on the rocket-ship* don’t worry about it!

nasa employee: oh hey u guys are back early 
astronaut: moon's stuck in a time loop.
nasa employee: what? 
astronaut: *emerging from supply closet with a space harpoon, getting back on the rocket-ship* moon’s stuck in a time loop.

nasa employee: oh hey u guys are back early  astronaut:   oh hey u guys are back early
astronaut: moon's stuck in a time loop. 
nasa employee: what? 
astronaut: what? 
nasa employee: how did you know what i was going to say? 
astronaut: *punching in key pad code for base evacuation signal, getting back on the rocket-ship* i told you…moon’s stuck in a time loop.
*red warning lights begin flashing*

nasa employee: oh hey u guys are back early 
astronaut: moon's stuck in a time loop. 
nasa employee: what? 
astronaut: *rifling thru bookshelf of operating instructions, selecting one that says “AIRLOCK MANUAL OVERRIDE INSTRUCTIONS,” getting back on the rocket-ship* moon’s stuck in a time loop.

nasa employee: oh hey u guys are back early 
astronaut: moon's stuck in a time loop. 
nasa employee: what? 
astronaut: moon’s stuck in a time loop. hey, do you have anything to eat? i’m starving. *opens random drawer, finds nothing, closes it*
nasa employee: a time loo- uh, we don’t have food in here…we can’t…eat in the control room, only the break-room.
astronaut: *sighs*
nasa employee:…my lunch is in like 10 minutes, though, and if my lunch is actually STILL THERE and not STOLEN, AGAIN, i can share it with yo-
astronaut: nah, that’s ok…no time. *loading a pistol and getting back on the rocket-ship* or…too much time. but thanks, anyway. OK, bye!
*alarm begins blaring*
nasa employee: you’re…welcome? wait, a TIME LOOP?!

Keep reading

hulking-godless-child-beast
tilthat

TIL in 1915, San Diego hired a “rain maker” who used a secret mix of chemicals to “attract rain” for $10,000, payable if he filled their reservoir. It rained for most of January, destroying bridges, dams, and causing 20 deaths.

via reddit.com

armedandgayngerous

that was the Devil

general-thinks

I mean they wanted rain

northerlygale

His name was Charles Hatfield and I’m not saying that you shouldn’t make a deal with him, but I am saying that you should be very clear about the terms and conditions

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prokopetz

I think we need to fully appreciate the fact that the reason he “looks like the Devil” is that many depictions of the Devil in American popular media are specifically caricatures of this guy. Like, imagine being a con man and fucking up your hustle so badly that for more than a century afterwards people start drawing the Devil to look like you.